oh · darlin', · it's · so · sweet.

I just reread lots of my old Blogspot blog.

Wow.

I used to be so much more interesting.

And it's amusing, but for how much I drank freshman year (how often I had raging hangovers), I was like, 248347 times wittier than I remember.

I also did random, goofy shit much more. Like cutting the waistband off a pair of jeans and wearing it around my head (true story), and having indoor beach parties (also true).

Damn. Is the lack of that stuff maturity, or am I just getting boring in my old age?

Because for a lot of it, I was just thinking, "Honey... grow up."

Hm.

Pluses:

- Hanging out with Beth and Eric last week. Food was awesome, and weird storm was also strangely awesome. As was the possibly-new-but-actually-old bush.
- BIRTHDAY AT MIDNIGHT.
- Olive Garden for dinner tomorrow night. I'm gonna get the wine sampler. Why? Because I can.
- Bacon and eggs for breakfast.
- Beth and Eric this weekend, I believe. (Correct? I know that's what we said at your house, but I like confirming plans 3472384 times, anyway.)
- Yankees game in Baltimore next weekend.

Minuses:
- Keith was like, What do you want for your birthday? I was like, I don't know. I'll love whatever he gets me, though. So I guess that's not really a minus.
- Actually, right now, there are no minuses.

I was somewhat forced to watch a documentary on porn stars, and I figured out what my big problem with it is. One of the girls was like, "Yeah, so like, if you're not blonde with big boobs when you get into this business, you will be, because that's what people want, that's what's womanly, beautiful, blah blah blah." That was like a slap in the face. *That* is why I dislike professional porn. Because of the implication that if you don't look like that, you can't be sexual like that. You can't go nuts and enjoy it like that, because that's not what people want to see. Oh no, brown hair and small boobs, that is DISGUSTING! Looking like a Barbie is *not* what is womanly and beautiful, it's what is freakish and unnatural. And it's not liberating for women who don't look like that. If anything, I think it's the opposite. I'm not going to want to suck your dick like that if the people you *choose to watch* doing that look nothing at all like me. It's insulting.

Fuck.

ETA: Ok, I wasn't *forced* to watch it. Keith's roommate put it on when we were in the room. In Keith's defense, he didn't really pay a lot of attention, and studied geology instead.

Beth, I never got back to your email, but of COURSE I'll go somewhere to try dresses on! It's like playing dress-up, but with REALLY NICE stuff, and it actually has a purpose.

(Also, I was thinking, maybe--if possible--get people to take pictures of them wearing stuff, so we could exchange them just to see how stuff looks on everyone else, in case stuff needs to be shortened or lengthened or whatever. Just so it looks kinda uniform, you know? Or whatever. There's probably tons of time for that stuff, anyway.)

ETA: I went to the David's Bridal website, and was fiddling around with the colors of the dresses, and I DEFINITELY like the lighter lilac better. Also, other random thought: are all the bridesmaids dark brunettes? If so, the lighter color might go better with our coloring. But, just my $.02! They're all gorgeous dresses in any color, and we'll all be smokin' hot in any of them! :)

Nothing has ever made me feel quite as stupid as physics.

Is it *supposed* to make sense?

The professor put a partial differential equation on the board the other day and my head exploded.

... kudos to you, Beth, for dealing with this crap and your head still being intact.

I'm going to go now, because I'm starving and farting and they're smelling like Superglue.

Yeah, I don't know either.

ETA: I showed Keith the website with the bridesmaids dresses on it, and was like, EEPEEPEEP, which ones do you like best?!

He glances at it and is like, "You'll look fine in any of them."

My nomination for Most Guylike Statement of the Year.

I'm probably going off the pill after I finish this pack. I don't have random stupid sex like I used to, and it made me fat and crazy. And Keith doesn't mind going back to condoms. Obviously, if it means the only Little Keith anyone's referring to around here is his penis.

I'm just not going to think about the porn thing. Something bad happened Sunday, but it was rectified today. (We tried to have sex, but it, uh... didn't work. But it worked splendidly today. So whatever.)

The luau thing was actually a really good time. For the first time ever, I was having a serious good time with his friends. Until some idiot showed up, Keith asked the girl whose house it was to kick him out (Keith and her were apparently good friends), and she didn't. Keith was to the point where he was gonna throw a beer in the guy's face, and was asking all his friends to back him up. I was like, Dude, we're all wasted, this could be bad, be the bigger dude, etc. So we had to leave earlyish, and he might not be friends with her anymore. Oh well.

Work started. It's boring. Although we actually have a Jaime. Well, sort of a Jaime. That in-your-face, that obnoxious, that nuts, that prone to biting, but without the brain and bi, not lesbian.

It's almost just as nuts as AMC, which is good. And I'm working mad hours, which means mad money, which is also good.

Um... dat it.

I'm in the lab at 11:10 on a Friday night, trying to do work. I'm cool.

These two beefy, fratty-looking dudes just sat across from me and tried to talk to me. Of course, I am wearing a miniskirt, Heidi braids, and makeup for the first time in about a month.

I masturbated twice today.

My roommate wants to get a keg or a quarter-keg or some amount of beer tomorrow. I'm excited, but also apprehensive, because Keith's gonna be around, and he does not like me when I'm drunk.

I've had a bowl of Special K and a tuna sandwich today. Should I be hungry? I think I'm getting back into last summer's eat-only-when-I-remember-which-is-like-every-other-day thing.

Nobody else is here. Everybody else is probably doing fun stuff. Keith and his old roomie are at work, my roomie and her boyfriend are probably at the bar (I told her to call me if she was doing anything without an age restriction), and I don't know where Keith's roommate is, but he's probably at the bar, too.

Sucks being both underage and unemployed.

Blah. I really might not do any work tonight. Of course, I might not do any tomorrow, either. Fuck.